My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
