There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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