I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
