think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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