Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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