So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
