Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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