come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
