and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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