At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
