kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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