help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
