if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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