dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
