Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
