3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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