I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
