he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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