Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
