Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
