My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
