Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
