Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
