I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
