I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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