Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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