I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
