I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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