I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He shit in the fireplace
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
