I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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