just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
