You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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