But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
