Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
