Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
