we're blogging at a bar
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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