You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
