she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
