we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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