Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
