I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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