you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
