There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
