So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
