Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
