Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
