If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
