i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize