I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
