I'm so fucking centered right now
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
