he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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