I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
