remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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