Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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