Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
