If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
