i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
