Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
