thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
