i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
