wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
