if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
