Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
