I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's like heaven, but drunker
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
