i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
