u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
