I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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