you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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