somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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