So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize