Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
