there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
