Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
