So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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