his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is the high leading the old right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
