No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You ate ashes out of my bong
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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