We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
