Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
