like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
