a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
