woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
