i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
