he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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