No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
