how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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