So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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