Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
