i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
