she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
