'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
