I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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