I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
