He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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