I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
