I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
