I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
