i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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